Does anyone ever feel as though they are stuck in a Mummy rut with no way out??, I do!!.
To all my new readers, I’ll give you a bit of background information about me. I have 4 kids, 8-year old boy/girl twins & 3-year old girl twins. The 8-year olds go to school & I’m a full-time SAHM to the 3-year old twins. The 3-year olds are beautiful little girls but they are such hard work & I refer to them as the ‘threenagers’. My first two weren’t exactly delightful at this age, but they were nowhere near as much hard work as what the little girls are. The demands are constant, they want a drink, they want food, they have done wees or poos, they want to play on my phone, have a bath, watch a DVD, want a particular toy & a particular pair of shoes and the list goes on and on.
The odd times when I have been unwell (I had a nice case of man flu last month thanks to my husband!), I have pre-empted all their morning demands and I have got them up, given them milk, then breakfast, changed their nappies, got them dressed for the day & put Disney Jnr on for them & asked them to let mummy have a little mummy time, I wouldn’t be exaggerating to say I’d be lucky to get 15 minutes maximum before someone needs me for something. It’s just so exhausting.
I must admit I am lucky that they go to day care 2 days a week, which may sound like a lot, but really isn’t. The first day is generally doing a truckload of housework, food shopping & catching up on things around the house. The second day again, is tidying up after everyone, doing loads of washing & working on my school work. I’m currently doing a course in Professional Writing & Editing, with scope to doing something further with my writing once all kids are at school. The second day of day care falls on a Friday and this is generally when there are activities up at the kids school and assembly etc so that further takes away from my mummy time.
The girls are at the stage where they do NOT want to go in their pram, they are very independent & want to walk everywhere, which wouldn’t be a problem if they didn’t want to run off or walk at snail’s pace. I wouldn’t even mind if they would just walk beside me & hold my hand but that’s pretty boring, they want to get out, explore and have fun which is great, but not in a car park or a crowded shopping centre. I have awesome neighbours who walk my kids to the bus stop daily and I cant even take the girls along for a walk because they are petrified of the neighbours dog (who is gorgeous, harmless but big), want to ride their scooters which I won’t let them do so close to the road & fight over who is wearing what shoes and it usually ends up in a big crying fest so it’s easier to avoid.
As a result of their current stage of development, my headspace & quite regularly being overwhelmed, I tend to isolate myself & not want to go anywhere because I know how much hard work it’s going to be & it’s a given that I’m going to end up really shitty at some stage of the outing. That’s another reason why I’m so glad that the girls go to day-care because they get to do lots of different (and messy) activities such as painting, arts & crafts, playing in the sand & lots of other fun things whilst interacting & making friends with other kids. We still have fun when they’re at home & we always have lots of cuddles & snuggles, but there is always housework that needs doing, dinner to be cooked, older kids needing help with homework, after school activities and the like.
After I had my first set of twins, I went back to work when they were 15 months old & remember feeling really fulfilled. Of course it was stressful at times, managing a job & a household and kids getting sick etc. It’s a lot to juggle but I felt it was worth it. I worked part time up until my second set of twins were born & it was great. I felt that being a working mum, made me a better mum. I would really miss the kids whilst at work so days when I was home, it was quality time spent together. I also had a lot of support from my mum who would step in without question to help out & was a fantastic support to our family in general, but sadly she is no longer with us.
Sorry to be such a negative Nancy everyone but I just feel like a slave to my house & my children & can honestly say at times I’m bored stupid & shitless. I would love to work part time but day care doesn’t have any further availability & the school that my kids go to, doesn’t offer before or after school care, so that leaves only very limited hours in which I could work. The industry I am currently experienced to be employed in, generally doesn’t offer part time positions & are usually inner city (I’m 50kms from the CBD). I know I should be thankful for the opportunity to be able to stay home with my kids, not everyone is able to due to financial constraints, prior commitments & a whole host of other reasons, but my husband works long hours & quite often works 6 days a week.
I think what I’m really looking for is a work/family/life balance. At the moment I’m ‘just’ a mum (I say this with inverted commas because I think all mums are amazing). I feel as though my main role in life is just to wait on my four kids, clean a house that gets destroyed in less than an hour later & pick up after everyone. I don’t feel like a person anymore & I definitely don’t feel like myself. I know a big part of this is trying to process & work through the grief of losing my beloved Mum. I know that it gets better, I’ve already reared one set of 3-year old twins & they don’t stay like this forever. It’s just that my girls won’t go to school until 2021 so I still have over 2 years left of my current lifestyle. As I write this, my 8-year old daughter just called me in to the kitchen to show me the water that has been spilled ALL over the kitchen floor. How they had access to that much water is beyond me but the water is all over the floor that I spent over an hour sweeping & mopping yesterday & is currently being cleaned up with my freshly laundered towels. Far out Brussel Sprout (for those who know me personally, I would much rather use curse words, preferably ones starting with F but don’t want to offend anyone).
Do any other mumma’s feel the same?, or have you felt this way & managed to turn your life around without your circumstances changing greatly?. If so I would love to hear from you. I’m calling out an SOS!!! 🙂
Thanks for reading,
*Please note, I do not mean any disrespect to the hopeful mummies, who are desperately trying to get pregnant and are not succeeding, I have walked in your shoes. I also do not mean any disrespect to the mummies of angels who would literally cut off their arms to have their baby here with them, I have walked in your shoes also and it’s one of the most difficult paths life could ever lead you on. I have the upmost respect for these women xx