Hi, everyone, I realise this article is a little late but better late than never. I’m glad I wrote it on the first day of the holidays because by the last day I was rocking in the corner waiting for my straight jacket to delivered, in pink of course 🙂
I honestly don’t know how I’m going to survive the school holidays this year. Last year I had the luxury of having a nervous break down (after being home with the kids for five weeks straight) and being admitted to hospital to undergo a medication change. It was absolute bliss. No housework, all meals cooked for me, no responsibilities, all I had to do was attend the daily workshops they held on different topics and I was left to my own devices. I played games on my phone, mixed with the other patients, coloured in and just enjoyed the simple little things in life like going to the toilet alone and showering without children watching me. Of course this time last year I had Private Health Insurance and I also had my mum, who as always was there to help me in my time of need. This year’s nervous breakdown is going to have to take place at home and I estimate it will be in the next week or so. I’m running very low on my anti anxiety medication and not seeing my Psychiatrist until the New Year. Ever since I took an overdose a couple of years ago my dad guards his Valium stash like the Crown Jewels and my GP is very hesitant to prescribe me anything I could potentially attempt to overdose on. There will be no recovery in a private hospital this year, only rocking in the fetal position whilst all four kids watch and fight over who is going to rock next to me and wipe the saliva from the sides of my mouth.
Today is the first day of school holidays and I am already losing my shit, these lovely four children of mine can be absolute horror heads. The older two don’t get along so they are constantly bickering. My son seems to be capable of upsetting everyone and always has everyone in tears. I am already over being touched. The kids just touch me non stop. Wherever I sit, all four follow me and fight over who sits on me and next to me. If one of the babies lands in my lap they are constantly digging a knee in my scar from my C-sections (it is now a catch phrase in our family ‘Oh My Uterus!!) or elbowing me directly in the nipple and using that elbow to leverage their weight to change positions in my lap. These kids cause me physical pain constantly. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been head butted in the face by a toddler/child who is sitting in my lap and throws their head back. My feet are constantly being trodden on by someone wearing either gumboots or school shoes and my hair gets pulled a lot. The babies also love kicking me in the breasts and stomach whilst having their nappies changed. No wonder I always have bruises all over me.
This morning I decided I need to restore some order to the cacophony of my house. There was yelling, screaming, hair pulling, tears and then there were the kids too. I set the older two up with a truckload of scrap booking supplies and had been smart enough to think ahead and have photos printed of our last holiday to Bali. I put the Disney Channel on for the younger two and I sat down with my trusty laptop and headphones and decided to do some writing whilst drowning out the sounds of Mickey Mouse on the TV and my older two bickering. Xavier grew tired of scrap booking after 0.5 seconds so decided to come and sit next to me and kept talking to me and interrupting me. I explained several times I couldn’t hear him and to only interrupt me if it was something important. My daughter Grace came up with a mini water bottle that she asked me to open and then proceeded to spill it all over the couch, the floor and my charging lead for my computer. I tidied that mess up whilst all four just watched me, that’s okay kids, mummy has this one covered!!.
It’s still only 10am and I went back to drowning out the noises with my headphones and took them off just at the exact time my son screams out to his twin sister ‘Emily, why do you have to be such a ‘very rude word’ of a sister’. The C word!!. I never use the C word, the C word is only for very particular people or situations. It is not a word that you just throw around like fuck or shit. I was absolutely disgusted. I sent him to his room but he didn’t seem too concerned and the Santa threat doesn’t seem to be having the same effect it was at the start of the month.
Its only day one and I have no idea how I’m going to make it through the next six weeks!!!!
Thanks for reading 🙂