The aftermath of Mothers Day has not been good in our household. Mothers Day itself was lovely, people who are close to me know I’m pretty fragile at the moment with it being my first Mother’s Day without my mum & I received the loveliest messages from people & my family went out of their way to make sure I had a great day, apart from a few minor mishaps which were to be expected. Darling 4 smashed my new ‘One In A Million Mum’ mass produced Kmart ‘coffee’ but really moscato mug & there were a lot of tears when I wouldn’t let anyone eat breakfast from my Darrell Lea goodie bag but other than that we had a good morning.
My Aunty had offered to mind the kids so hubby could take me out & we went & saw the new Melissa McCarthy movie. It was so fucking funny it made me thankful that I’d had C-sections & my pelvic floor muscles have remained intact. It was bliss to sit in the dark for 2 hours with no one sitting on me, demanding anything from me & to be sharing space with other adults. One of the things I love about my husband is that he will attend a chick flick without question because he knows how much I love them & to top it all off we then went to Kmart afterwards. What can I say, it was a wonderful afternoon spent doing the things I love most. I even got to go to the toilet alone!!!!
Mothers Day night was pretty non eventful with getting home, feeding kids (ringing for pizza) making sure school uniforms are ready for the next day & all that other usual stuff but I no complain, I had a really fantastic day & really enjoyed myself.
The next morning I was awoken in the early dark hours between night & morning barely able to breath. My throat was so sore I could barely swallow & my head was pounding like a mother fucker. After examining my throat using the flashlight on my phone I was greeted with Tonsillitis. Pockets of puss on my tonsils & a very red & inflamed swollen sore throat. Awesome. I felt so sick but forced myself to get up & make the kids school lunches, get the younger two their morning milk, their special blankets, make sure Disney Junior was playing for them, ensure they had their dummy colour of choice & just meet all of their demands which come very frequently. After I had done all this I just collapsed on the couch & slept on & off between the 3 year olds yelling out for stuff. This was the universe punishing me for daring to take an afternoon off motherhood & enjoy myself so much. How dare I attempt to do something nice for myself when I am a mother to four kids. I spent as much time resting as I could (which wasn’t much) taking nurofen & gargling with warm salt water but I still felt shit. It’s amazing the self pity you feel when you feel so unwell & you know that no one gives a shit. My grief from getting through my first Mother’s Day hit me with both barrels & upon looking at the calendar I realised it was 9 months since my mum had passed & that just made it 100 times worse. I just felt so sad & alone. Coupled with another night of musical beds, both of the younger twins wanting to sleep with me (because eating my food off my plate, watching me shower & wiping my bum for me doesn’t seem to be enough) I changed beds twice, was woken at 3am to go on a hunt for a specific dummy, which was eventually found & woke up feeling very unwell again. My daughter Grace started squealing for a bubble bath within minutes of finishing her milk so I ran her one but it wasn’t to her liking & she refused to get in. So I did instead. I’ve already issued a May Day text to my husband that my threshold has been reached & exceeded for the day (at 8.35am) and I’m feeling even more unwell than I was yesterday. Never mind though, tomorrow is a brand new day & what makes it so good is that it is a childcare day!! Yay!!!. I savour every second of childcare days & often catch up on sleep (I know I could never come close to repaying my sleep debt) enjoy being in my own company & the simple pleasures of watching what I want on the tv, eating what I want & when I want & not having my meal ripped out of my hands, taking a shower alone & last but not least going to the toilet alone. I am going to do some meditation & attempt to balance my chakras & fill up my emotional cup. I learned many years ago ladies that you cannot give from an empty cup, you can try but the result is ending up an overwhelmed & overly emotional Mum who simply has nothing to give, I am a prime example of this at the moment, regardless though that doesn’t stop the demands. This is why we need to take time out for ourselves & make sure we are okay so we can be okay for these little darlings who are always watching & learning from us & haven’t yet learned to regulate their emotions.
I promise my next post will be filled with rainbows & kittens & I will not take part in any self indulgent whinging.
Until next time………