Greetings, welcome to my blog and thanks for visiting J. After much deliberation I have decided to fashion myself as the “Perfectly Imperfect Mummy”. As you get to know me you will learn that this name is very fitting, I am not anywhere near perfect nor will I ever be. There are so many topics I would like to write about (only from my own experience) and didn’t want to commit to anything too specific. Allow me to
Introduce myself, I am 39 years old (look about 60 & feel about 100) and I have four kids & also an angel in heaven. My four kids just happen to be two sets of twins, what’s the chances of that hey?. The first set of twins who were Girl/Boy were born in 2010 and I will refer to them as Darling 1 and Darling 2, in 2013 our angel baby arrived but left that very same day (much more on him later) and in another 18 months in 2015 we were blessed with the arrival of twin girls, who I will refer to as darling 3 & and darling 4. Other than the above, I love a good chat and I have been told I could talk the leg of a chair, I’m very down to earth and I like to think very kind also.
So here I am, rapidly approaching 40, thinking life was pretty good although I haven’t a slept a full night in 7 years or been to the toilet alone in as many years, I am many kilos overweight, take enough anti depressant & anti anxiety medication to keep a small pharmaceutical company in business. Use food and caffeinated beverages to get me through many a sleepless night, a chocolate to cheer me up for having a shit morning and just basically doing the opposite of everything I should do but I’m happy. I have my village, I am happily married (most of the time) have four beautiful children (especially when they’re asleep) have a great relationship with my parents, especially my mum who is my best friend, my two best friends who are my own age, lovely extended family & friends. What more could I ask for?. Even though the road to happiness has been a very long and winding road, along the way we have had mental illness including PND and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Intentional Drug Overdose, Morbid Obesity, Adjustment Disorder, Maternal Exhaustion and last but certainly not least, the loss of our beautiful baby boy William. Nothing prepared me for the destruction of my village and one of it’s main pillars. My mum. My mum who came and stayed with us for 3 months when each set of twins were born, she sat up and did every single feed with me when I could see just how exhausted she was; my mum who held my hand and cried with me whilst I grieved the loss of my son, my mum who was such a huge emotional and practical support and not to be forgotten, my mum who was my best friend, such a gentle kind soul. My mum was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer this year and we said goodbye to her on 14th September. I am honoured that I was able to spend so much time with her and be present when she took her last breath
With my heart broken and my mum sadly gone, my village is majorly fractured but not beyond repair, we just need to regroup, redefine our roles within the village and get used to the main member missing (and all the grief and sadness along the way). My husband also suffered a heart attack during my mum’s short illness so he is unwell and is awaiting open heart surgery. From where I am sitting I am now Queen of this village and it is my responsibility to look after my four kids and my husband. Fill up everyone’s emotional cups. Ensure the housework is done, washing, cooking, shopping, kids, homework etc. and everything and everyone is okay. I am also on a mission of self discovery and have started to write in a journal daily, trying my hand at creative writing, and I have been reading about alternative therapies and spirituality. Fuck!!! That’s a big responsibility that scares the shit out of me but stick with me whilst I muddle my way through with all the awesome capable mums who are all over this shit make it look easy. Maybe I can bluff my way through?????, let’s see!!